Teaching our children to share is a common goal for parents, but adults frequently ask children to share before they are ready. For children, the concept of sharing appears to be arbitrary: what are the rules? Why do we take turns with some objects but not with others? Why do we even have to do this? It's easy to see why sharing is difficult to sell to small children.
When we talk about sharing with two-year-olds, what we really mean is turn-taking. Knowing the difference between the two, as well as when children are ready for each, can help determine what kind of support they require along the way.
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TAKING TURNS AND SHARING?
Sharing and turn-taking may appear to be the same thing, but children must practice turn-taking (with adult assistance) for a long time before they are ready to share.
Taking turns entails waiting while someone else uses the exact object you want to use, which is difficult for anyone. Around the age of two, children may be cognitively and developmentally ready to begin taking turns. Even so, they will almost always require the support and guidance of an adult.
Sharing, on the other hand, is a complex collaborative process involving a common goal that begins later, around the age of four.
HOW TO INSTRUCT TODDLERS TO SHARE AND TAKE TURNS
Set aside a few special "non-negotiables."
If you are expecting visitors, have your child choose a few favorite toys and make them off-limits (tip: determine the number of items before you start). This respects your child's attachment to these items and gives them control.
Get a sneak peek at what's to come.
Predicting what will happen soon removes the element of surprise: "You're playing with the truck right now, and it'll be Maria's turn in three minutes, and she'll get to play with it for a while."
Make use of a visual timer.
Using a visual timer alerts your child when it is their turn.
Take turns in everyday situations.
Consider introducing the concept of turn-taking as you go about your day – make a smoothie together and take turns dropping ingredients in one by one, such as banana slices.
Take a deep breath.
If taking turns becomes too difficult, consider doing something that allows for more harmony. Sensory play, art activities, puzzles, or even a simple task like spreading nut butter on crackers are all simple ways to ensure that everyone gets a turn at the same time.
Collaborate on practice.
Here are some enjoyable games that encourage taking turns. You can also put together a puzzle with your child, taking turns adding pieces one at a time.
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