It is not for the faint of heart to be a mother. As if taking care of your own needs wasn't enough, being a mother also entails taking care of another person's health, safety, and well-being.
While there is no "one-size-fits-all" parenting solution, some parents believe that their approach is the best. Unfortunately, this frequently leads to a nasty behavior known as "mom shaming," which has gained popularity in recent years.
Here's everything you need to know about this terrible practice, whether you've been a victim - or a shamer.
What is mom-shaming?
"A profoundly painful sensation or experience of believing that we are flawed and that anything we've done or failed to accomplish renders us unworthy," says Brené Brown (author, podcast host, and researcher at the University of Houston).
When individuals criticize a mother for making parenting decisions that are different from those they have made or would make, this is known as mom-shaming. (For example, "You're doing it wrong if you don't nurse your child.")
Mom shaming is not only unproductive, but it's also harmful since it creates insecurity and anxiety.
Shaming takes a mental toll
Mothers are especially vulnerable to "comparisonitis" in a world where Facebook, Instagram, and other social media sources can provide an illusory picture-perfect view of others' life. Shaming a Mom will just make things worse.
"When moms fail to satisfy these unreasonable standards, they are set up to be disappointed, feel like failures, or lose confidence in their parenting abilities," Cipro added. "There is evidence that this can lead to an increase in anxiety and sadness in moms."
Mom shaming in the era of COVID-19
Though being a parent is never easy, a global pandemic complicates matters.
According to a recent CDC study, nearly 41 percent of adult respondents are dealing with pandemic-related mental health issues. Some are caused by the virus itself, while others are caused by the measures used to contain it (social distancing, staying indoors, etc.).
Unfortunately, the pandemic has resulted in an increase in mom-shaming as parents decide whether or not to host playdates, homeschool, or venture out into public.
"I think it's especially difficult during a pandemic to be uninvolved in other parents' decisions, because their choices may directly affect your and your child's health." "However, it is especially counterproductive during a pandemic to criticize or shame others," she added.
"There are so many variables. Every family situation is complex. The pandemic adds to the mix. We can't possibly know all of the challenges that other parents face, so we shouldn't pass judgment."
Tips for handling and preventing mom shaming
We recommend the following when it comes to defending yourself against potential mom-shamers or learning how to recognize these behaviors in yourself:
Don't pass judgment on another person's choices. Recognize that many factors influence someone's decision-making process, and it's natural for people to reach different conclusions.
Help out, other mothers. People today, more than ever, require encouragement rather than criticism. Even if someone's choices differ from yours, always assume the best of intentions. Concentrate on the positive.
Reframe your thoughts. Rather than seeing another person's choices as a personal attack on you, try to understand how they came to that decision. This allows for more compassion and less judgment.
Use reassuring statements. If you are a victim of mom-shaming, you can use a neutral response to stop the bullying without participating in it yourself. (For example, "Thank you for sharing your thoughts.") "Hmmm, I'll think about it." Or, "I don't like it when my decisions are questioned." "I try not to make judgments about other people's parenting styles."
Free help is available
The most important thing for all mothers and caregivers to realize is that they are not alone. If you're having problems with your mental or emotional health, it's critical that you get the help you need.
Intermountain Healthcare provides a no-cost Behavioral Health Navigation Service. Call 1 (833)-442-2111 from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m., seven days a week. There are also interpretation services available.
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